1. Mastery of the 3 P’s: Perception, Pre-suasion and Persuasion
You need to determine how you want to be perceived.
To a very large extent, people will remember you the way you tell them to remember you.
Their Perception of you and the Pre-suasion you achieve will influence your optimal ability to Persuade others.
There are 2 great books on this topic, both by Dr Robert Cialdini: Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion and
Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade. These are gold mines to highlight how we are influenced and how we can influence others, both in business and personal life. When it comes to persuasion, success can begin before you say a word. The author offers utterly insightful tips into the art of winning people over: it isn’t just what we say or how we say it that counts, but also what goes on in the moments before we speak. These mind-blowing books are a masterclass in enhancing your powers of influence, both in business and personal life.
Remember: The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms, and then the bee comes. Likewise, let your personality flourish and express your own unique brand to be perceived the way you want by the bees you aim to attract!
One Life & You Tip
Use the “Power of 3 Words”
Remind yourself regularly throughout the day what are the 3 key words of your personal brand, which compose the One unique You.
It can be kindness, thoughtfulness, happiness, positivity, energy, grace, smile, gratitude, full of life, or anything else you wish to be instantly known and perceived for!
Make these 3 words your brain tattoo, and even consider putting them on a post-it note or engraving them on an object dear to you or a piece of jewellery (for examples My Intent bracelet or Lenal Wald rings) to carry these wherever you go.
2. Strong Purpose: Your Why
As mentioned in One Life & You article “10 ways to let the unique One You shine”, everyone has a purpose in life… a unique gift or special talent to give to others.
The meaning of life is to find this gift, and your “why”, your sense of purpose.
Simone Sinek explains this wonderfully in his great book, Start With Why.
“People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.” Simon Sinek
When what you do provide you with a sense of purpose, you will be able to pour yourself into it with joy.
Your “why” should be the heart of your Personal Brand, it is your essence and the pulse of your life.
To discover more on how to let the one unique you shine through, read One Life & You article on this topic.
One Life & You Tip
Do everything with passion and love
Be either all in or all out. Go after your wildest dreams. Only pursue what makes your heart smile and set your soul on fire.
“When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream.” Paulo Coelho
Run your life and career the way you want it to run: do not let it run you.
Take control and guide it in the direction that you want it to go.
“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die and the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Find your Highest Point of Contribution
The combination of professional expertise and personal passion is where your unreasonable advantage lies. Your combination of talents is so unique, that you can carve out an entirely new niche for yourself.
Do not worry about competition and others: worry about being more of you, being different.
Find what is known as your highest point of contribution which is defined as the intersection of talent, passion and market (see more on this in the Harvard Business Review article The Disciplined Pursuit of Less).
3. Know your “Personal Brand Commercial”
“Your brand is what people say about when you’re not in the room.” Jeff Bezos
Knowing your “personal brand” enables you to communicate a message that is clear, consistent and credible.
It will set you apart from your peers, highlight your strengths and leave a lasting message in the minds of those your interact with, be that your friends, the love of your life, your clients, colleagues or other any other.
Personal Brand Commercial
Your “Personal Brand Commercial” is three-dimensional. It is a powerful message that is delivered in person, by you.
It shows animation, expression and dimension that will resonate with the person who sees you, or who hears what you have to say, and influence his or her perception of you.
It is your most influential, most powerful and most critical personal (and professional) branding tool.
After you craft, develop and hone your “Personal Brand Commercial”, you will have a quick, pointed response at the ready whenever you are asked, “What do you do?”.
You will be better armed to shape the listener’s perception of who you are and what is special and unique about you.
One Life & You Tip
8 steps to develop and use your “Personal Brand Commercial”
- Keep it short. Aim for 60 seconds. Do not exceed 90 seconds, or you will lose your interlocutor’s intention. The purpose is to be catchy, grab attention and trigger a longer conversation
- Be sure that it reflects and builds on who you are, your uniqueness, your background, past experiences, skills and strengths
- Construct your “Personal Brand Commercial” by getting inspired from these possible areas of focus (of course, you will not be able to include them all!)
- Your unique talent, gift, passion
- Your purpose
- Your profession and career background
- A specific experience you went through
- A career accomplishment
- Skills and strengths for which you want to be remembered
- Your educational background
- Awards or recognition you may have received
- Personal attributes you wish to emphasize
- Your dreams
- Develop your “Personal Brand Commercial” by writing it, then reading it again and again
- Think of it as a story telling, not a reading. You will be speaking your commercial. It must come across as unscripted, authentic and light hearted
- Do not memorize your commercial. Rather, memorize the 4 or 5 key words or sentences, which will prompt the rest of what you want to convey
- Practice delivering your commercial as often as you can, to anyone who will listen. Practice in front of a mirror, too, and check the music of your voice as well as your facial expressions as you speak
- Refine and tweak your commercial to fit specific social situations and objectives. Use a more informal version of it for networking purposes
The importance of a Personal brand – Great videos
A brand is a personal promise, Bryan Tracy
You are never as good as you can be, Simon Sinek and Evan Carmichael
The marketing principles of big brand companies applicable to building one’s personal brand, Ann Bastianelli
4. Positivity & Optimism
One Life & You Tip
Recipe to embody positivity and optimism: 10 ingredients
- Exude a feel good factor, an energy that makes others feel on holidays
- Be a ray of sunshine, glow and radiate happiness
- Epitomize what French call the “joie de vivre”
- Be aware that the more positive vibrations you emit, the more attractive and powerful your will be
- Show unbridled enthusiasm for something that excites you and be playful. All children are beautiful, and a lot of it is because of their unadulterated joy. Enthusiasm is contagious!
- Always see the bright side of things – never moan or complain.
- Replace caution with curiosity and worry with wonder
- Talk kindly about the world around you instead of gossiping or complaining
- Be the change you want to see in the world
- Believe in the world of your dreams
One Life & You Favorites
Quotes about spreading positivity
“Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.” Mother Teresa
“A nightingale does not stop singing its beautiful song at the intrusion of an annoying woodpecker.” Suzy Kassem
“Let your light shine so brightly that others can see their way out of the dark.” Katrina Mayer
“The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.” Mark Twain
“Remember, you’re the one who can fill the world with sunshine.” Snow White (Snow White and the Seven Dwarves)
“Be a rainbow in someone else cloud.” Maya Angelou
“One of the ceaseless wonders in the world: the power of a smile” Malcom Forbes
Have you ever seen a smiling face that was not beautiful? Napoleon Hill, became an advisor to President Franklin Roosevelt from 1933 to 1936. In his book “Think and Grow Rich“, he says that president Franklin Roosevelt’s greatest asset was smile, which allowed people to trust him.
One Life & You Tip
Smile at life!
It will concretely communicate to others that you love life, as well as their company. They will naturally be willing to engage with you and you will be a more pleasant and likeable individual.
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile. But sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” Thich That Hanh
Adopt an attitude of gratitude and smile at life. The smile is the same in every language and you make everyone’s life more beautiful when you smile, including yours … you attract the energy you vibrate with.
Practice positive affirmations and smile – it has a magic self fulfilling prophecy power – the law of attraction.
You ultimately possess the key to your positive outlook on what’s happening around you and are in control of the story you want to write in this world. Happiness is the lens with which you decide to view life. You are controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions. It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.
When you wake up in the morning, believe that it’s going to be the best day of your life. Trust that all the power of the universe is within you to achieve your deepest desires and wildest dreams. Make sure positive thoughts are the first ones you think of. Throughout the day, focus on the present moment and the world around you, and remember that for every minute you switch into negative mindset you loose 60 seconds of happiness.
6. Charisma & Magnetism: The magic power of Presence
It is that special something, intangible, that know it when you see it but cannot explain with words. It is a kind of magic power that people who light up a room and electrify their audience have. They draw people to them like bees to honey …
They put the spotlight on the other person and make them feel good about themselves. They let others impress them.
When exiting a conversation, they leave others with positive feelings.
They poeticize their presence, hypnotize. They do not only turn heads but souls too. They are not just noticed but remembered as well.
They make others feel like most important persons on earth with their look and smile only.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou
3 stories of charismatic people
- Charles Schwab
He highlights the power of having what he calls a “million-dollar personality”. He explains how Charles Schwab, a steel magnate in the end of the 19th century, had charming personality and charismatic personal brand which elevated him from day laborer to an executive, with a $75,000 salary and a frequent million-dollar bonus (which was enormous at the time).
Napoleon Hill quotes Charles Schwab’s boss, the legendary industrialist Andrew Carnegie:
“The yearly salary was for the work Schwab performed, but the bonus was for what Schwab, with his pleasing personality, could get others to do.“
- Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs was well known for having a “Reality Distortion Field”: an aura, charisma, confidence, and persuasion, which make it almost impossible not to follow his will and be persuaded by his message when you interact in person with him.
Reality distortion field (RDF) is a term coined by Bud Tribble at Apple in 1981, to describe company Steve Jobs’ charisma and its effects on the developers working on the Macintosh project. Tribble said that the term came from Star Trek. In the Menagerie episode, it was used to describe how the aliens created their own new world through mental force.
Steve Jobs had a unique ability to convince himself and others to believe that the sky is not the limit and that anything is possible. He was charming and charismatic, but also mastered the art of marketing, hyperbole, persistence and persuasion.
His aura and “likability factor” was similar to a magic power enabling him to distort any interlocutor’s perception of challenges and difficulties and made them believe that the goal and vision was possible.
- Bill Clinton
Bill Clinton is perhaps the most famous epitome of charisma and extreme likability factor.
He is well-known for the charisma he exudes, regardless of people’s thoughts on his politics. I heard and read countless stories of people who were complete strangers to him but who left a first encounter with him feeling like they’ve known him for years and were the most special person in his life.
So, what is his secret?
It apparently comes down to 1 key thing: a powerful eye contact.
A lady who told me her story of coming across Bill Clinton and shaking his hand at a social event, recounted how he interacted in a way so powerful and intimate, that she felt as though they were the only people in the room. With every person he was shaking hand with at this event, after this hand shake and lingering eye contact, as he was moving on to the next person, he looked back at the previous one to “seal the deal”.
Bill Clinton is said to be making eye contact so deep that those who interact face to face with him are instantly mesmerized. And this power is on both men and women. He looks at you like you are the most important person he has ever talked. Even though you know you are not, you will still feel like you are.
One Life & You Tips
Tip 1: Practice eye contact with strangers
Eye contact is one of the most powerful tools in human face-to-face interaction and is an invaluable tool to enhance your relationships in every part of your life.
Wherever you walk, look at the eyes of every person walking towards you long enough to see their eye color. Do this for less than a second and then look away. You can also practice longer eye contact with waiters, cashiers, at the gym, and others, as long as you do it respectfully and in a friendly way.
Smile with both your eyes and face, and have a soft gaze. Nod whenever you make eye contact. And even say hi!! Just act like people exist. They will automatically like you for it, and remember you as someone who engages even when there is nothing in it for you.
There is a great book on Eye Contact: The Power of Eye Contact: Your Secret for Success in Business, Love, and Life by Michael Ellsberg.
Tip 2: Discover the art of personal space
Bill Clinton, Steve Jobs, and other extremely charismatic people, master the art of both getting close to you and making you feel totally safe, respected and comfortable. This creates an increase sense of connection, trust, affinity and intimacy.
Your sense of physical proximity with someone can be driven by any of the following 5 factors: someone making eye contact with you, facing you directly and directing your body language towards the person you are speaking to, touching you, playing with their voice, putting the focus of the conversation on you.
If someone who is stranger to you starts using too many of these 5 ingredients all at once, you feel suffocated, as if someone was invading your personal space.
However, if you learn how to play in a subtle manner with these different triggers, you can make others feel incredibly close to you and seduced by your aura.
Tip 3: Practice Being Present
Be in the moment!
In our digital age, with mobile phone and social media notifications every seconds, focusing our deeper attention on one person can be challenging, but it is a must.
Whenever you talk with someone, practice noticing whenever your mind drifting- be it to your to do list and the errands you need to do, your next holidays or week-end plans, your finances, that presentation you need to give later on, the date you have this evening, or others. Then, bring your attention back to who you are having a conversation with …
Bill Clinton is a master at focusing his attention generously. this makes people feel that he is incredibly interested in them. People like people who are genuinely interested in them – not in themselves.
Tip 4: Use people’s names
Bill Clinton is known for having an excellent memory, and being able to remember people’s full name, even if he met them ages ago. Pronouncing someone’s name is powerful. It speaks to their inner self. Someone’s name is their possession, their valuable unique asset, and is music to that person’s ear, a sweet sound which immediately touches their heart.
Here is a great video about Bill Clinton’s charisma
This video is a great example of how Bill Clinton wows an audience with his eye contact and creates a of power and genuine connection that makes people feel heard and considered.
6 Psychological TRICKS to Make People LIKE You IMMEDIATELY
Truly listening is persuasive, because makes the other person feel respected and understood.
It makes the person being listened to want to reciprocate and listen back.
The human law of reciprocity makes human beings hard-wired to give back to those who have given to them. And perhaps the greatest gift people can give one another is the gift of attention, a gift you give mainly by sincerely listening. When people feel heard and understood, they have an increased sense of trust and loyalty.
One Life & You Tips
10 ways to be a better listener
- Be an active listener. Most people are just waiting for the other person to finish so they can say their part. When you listen, just listen. Don’t interrupt. Don’t jump in with solutions. Just be present in the moment and listen fully to what the other person has to say and let him or her speak until the entire message is said
- Listen without but judgment, with endless curiosity and empathy. You don’t have to necessarily agree with the speaker, but imagine how he or she feels. Put yourself in another person’s shoes to fully understand their point of view
- Show an open heart, open mind, and open ears. Listen to understand, to learn, because you care
- Encourage people to talk. The two most powerful words in a conversation are, “Tell me”
- Keep in mind that listening is win/win. The more you listen, the more you will be listened to
- Imagine that you will tell someone else about this conversation and what you learnt later on. You will be more alert, and you will more questions to understand and what is said
- Keep your mobile phone away
- Maintain eye contact
- Ask open-ended questions. Instead of the ones where the other person can just answer a yes or a no. This will help others open up, explain and share more
- Use your body language. It will reveal your interest or disinterest in a story. When actively listening to someone, lean slightly forward, smile and nod from time to time. This will show that are genuinely interested and engaged
10 skills that are hard to learn but will pay-off forever: #4 = Listen and be the last to speak
This is an excellent video by Evan Carmichael, a Canadian entrepreneur, author, speaker and business consultant.
He curated top 10 tips on success from various leaders, and qualities that make you stand-out. One of my favourite is the number 4, by Simon Sinek, where he encourages us to be like Nelson Mandela: to learn and practice to be the last to speak, and listen to others.
One Life & You Favorites
Top 6 quotes on listening
“Since in order to speak, one must first listen, learn to speak by listening.” Rumi
“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemingway
“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” Ralph Nichols
“Listening, the ears are the paths to the heart .” Voltaire
“Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.” Sue Patton Thoele
“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.” Epictetus
8. Kindness, Thoughtfulness & Generosity
“The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.” Bob Marley
One Life & You Tips
Top 14 ideas of kind and thoughtful acts
- Lift others up and encourage, empower, inspire others. The Stoics believed not only that we should want less for ourselves but that we should seek the advancement of our friends with as much fervor as we do our own.
“It’s in keeping with Nature to show our friends affection and to celebrate their advancement, as if it were our very own. For if we don’t do this, virtue, which is strengthened only by exercising our perceptions, will no longer endure in us.” Seneca
- Be there for someone who needs you even if there’s nothing in it for you—give without expectations, without expecting anything in return. What we give to others is far more valuable and powerful than what we might try to take for ourselves. Have a heart of gold, be generous and selfless
- Make a sacrifice for someone you love
- Create something that helps people and makes a difference in the world. A song, a blog, a support group, a non-profit—anything that inspires
- Admit a mistake
- Share your struggles, past challenges or setbacks, to make someone else feel less alone
- Help someone feel good about him or herself
- Tell someone what you appreciate about them, even if you feel vulnerable, and never miss an opportunity to say thank you, with words or a thoughtful hand-written note for examples. Do no wait to show appreciation in others, whether your colleagues and team, your parents or special friends, your love. Shower them with love in the broadest sense of the word, both with words and actions, and express your gratitude
“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” Marcel Proust
- Give the unexpected and add value and joy to everyone around you and you will naturally attract more success. The book Give And Take by Adam Grant is amazing to highlight the real power lies ion being a giver. Those who succeed (not only personally but for their clients and companies) don’t take or match. The book is full of stories of successful givers and tips on how to become a successful giver
“This is what I find most magnetic about successful givers: they get to the top without cutting others down, finding ways of expanding the pie that benefit themselves and the people around them. Whereas success is zero-sum in a group of takers, in groups of givers, it may be true that the whole is greater than the sum of the part.” Adam Grant
“Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be how you treat other people – your family, friends, and coworkers, and even strangers you meet along the way.” Lady Barbara Bush
- Forgive someone without needing to hear the words, “I’m sorry” – remember, an eye for an eye makes the world go blind
- Do not judge anyone or anything – respect diversity, people’s choices and uniqueness. Acknowledge the beauty in others instead of feeling threatened or competing with other people. Measure others by their best moments, not their worst
- Accept someone for who they are instead of trying to change them to who you want them to be
- Perform small acts of kindness. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a compliment, and a kind word or a true listening ear. Spread “lollipops moments”
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” Dalai Lama
- Be kind, even with those you do not care about. Kindness shows in how you think, speak about, and speak to others. How people treat you is their karma, but how you react and treat them is yours
“Kindness is a language that he blind can see and the deaf can hear.” Mark Twain
“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” John F. Kennedy
One Life & You Tips
- What we think we become … Few things are more powerful than a positive mind and a “can do” attitude … Positive mind, positive vibes, positive life! For for any beautiful plant to grow well, the health of the soil is most important. Nourish and nurture your soil (your minds) to provide an environment that will benefit you spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Pull out the weeds, the deeply rooted negative thinkings, and plant positive behaviors or ways of being that you want to bring into your life. That’s when you can begin to sow love, kindness, joy, happiness, humility, gratitude and peace!
- See glass half full, always be grateful, recognize and acknowledge the good things in life
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” Abraham Lincoln
- Notice everything simple but beautiful in the world around you. Be grateful for the little moments in life, these are actually the big ones
- Try a simple exercise of setting aside 5 minutes every day to mentally list everything you can be grateful for in your life, including past successes, achievements, unique strengths, loving relationships, happy memories and moments
- Focus your mind with positive visualization and affirmations and turn around counterproductive negative thoughts that make you feel bad or sad
- Count your blessings to increase your blessings. Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life
10. Humility, Integrity & Authenticity
One Life & You Tips
- Show humility even when it could be easy to stand above people
- Be modest. You’re unique, special, and gifted. But remain unassuming
- Celebrate the accomplishments of others
- Work hard but leave your success speak for itself
Integrity & Authenticity
“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Honor the values that matter to you. Being authentic, having self- awareness of who you are, and letting others know what you stand for, should be at the center of everything you do.
It’s about being the One unique You and embracing your deepest, truest self.
Focus on what YOU think, and what YOU believe is the right course of action.
“I’m constantly amazed by how easily we love ourselves above all others, yet we put more stock in the opinions of others than in our own estimation of self. . . . How much credence we give to the opinions our peers have of us and how little to our very own!” Marc Aurelius
11. Grace, Poise & Composure
“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” Sophia Loren
Don’t just be noticed – be remembered, turn heads and not just souls. Have an inner beauty.
To be graceful is to be confident in who you are, and move with style.
Graceful people live with a sense of inner elegance, are self-assured and come across as very grounded, possessing deep personal wisdom.
This instantaneously makes them more charismatic and increase their likability factor.
Composure is the beauty of self-control. Composure allows you to maintain calm, integrity and stillness even when under pressure or n the face of a challenging situation.
Have poise, a quite self-confidence, self-esteem and self-awareness, trusting that your willpower and passion for self-development and personal growth provide you with the ability to succeed at nearly anything you set your eyes on and achieve your wildest dreams.
How could a good body posture influence our personal and professional lives?
The way you walk, the way you stand, the way you physically manage stress, your general posture impact how people view you. More importantly it impacts how you feel about yourself and therefore how you perform.
One Life & You Tip
Physical fitness leads to strong posture leads to life fitness
Your body language shapes who you are
Try positive visualisation and affirmations, as well as power posing, to boost your confidence before a big meeting, talk, date, weight lifting session, or any other important moment for you!
In her TEDTalk, social psychologist Amy Cuddy shares an easy way that anyone can change not only others’ perceptions of them, but the way they feel about themselves — spending two minutes “power posing” with their arms or elbows out, their chin lifted and their posture expansive. Adopting these postures makes a person feel more powerful. One Life & You strongly recommends to listen to this TEDTalk, fun and pretty enlightening and cool ideas!
13. Self-Care & Self-Love
“I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves and tell me, ‘I love you.’ … There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.” Maya Angelou
One Life & You Tips
- Be aware that loving yourself increase your “likability” factor and the trust others have in you
- Turn your inner critic into your inner cheerleader, a supportive positive inner voice. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself
- Put your own oxygen mask first to unleash more energy to give to others
- Look after yourself. Success starts from inside out. Exercise to stay fit, eat healthy and get enough rest
- Enjoy time alone and know how to say no
- Practice mindfulness, regular renewal and self-reflection
- Walk in the nature and enjoy outdoors
14. Emotional Contagion
Research demonstrates that we behave like the most people we live with. This is the concept of “mirror neuron science”, which One Life & You explore in the point 6 of “The 16 most important rules to build powerful habits”.
Your network is your personality net worth. Exposure to people who are charismatic, likeable and successful has the potential to expand your thinking and catapult your likeability factor and success. Start to surround yourself with people who are in higher positions than you or those who you look up to as role models. Who you spend time with reflects who you are.
Get out. Meet people. Talk to the guy beside you on the plane. Talk to the woman behind you in line. Send a complimentary note to someone you don’t know who did something awesome. You never know whom you might meet, especially if you assume good things will happen.
One Life & You Favorites
5 quotes about the power of others on you
“From good people you’ll learn good, but if you mingle with the bad you’ll destroy such soul as you had.” Musonius Rufus, Quoting Theognis Of Megara, Lectures, 11.53.21–22
“Tell me with whom you consort with and I will tell you who you are.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot – it’s all there is. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.” Maya Angelou
“The fastest way to change yourself is to hang out with people who are already the way you want to be.” Reid Hoffman
“Set your life on fire. Seek only those who fan your flames.” Rumi
Evan Carmichael – Curated videos on how to be more charismatic
Featuring Charlie Houpert, Aaron Marino, Tony Robbins, Robin Sharma, and Kurt W. Mortensen